Dungeons, Decorum, and Dastardly Deeds

This is a children's play set in a kingdom based on medieval Europe. Raelin, the daughter of a lord and lady, is expected to marry a suitable nobleman although she dreams of becoming a knight. Corliss, her maid, has almost given up her own dreams of becoming a warrior. Meanwhile, Lady Elowyn, a widow, has decided to go adventuring- much to the horror of her friends and children. Together with Brishen, a commoner, they fight the evil Sir Blaxton, who is attempting to take over the village of Snofells.

The play has 3 acts, and is about 2 hours long. This is an excerpt from the 1st act.

Act I, Scene VIII: A village. Enter Lady Elowyn, stage left, and Village Woman with Son, stage right.
VW: A knight! A knight! Oh, Sir Knight- (LEl removes helmet) Oh! That is- Lady Knight?
L El: At your service.
VW: Lady Knight, can you cure my son?
L El: What is the matter with him?
VW: He’s gone blind, that’s what the matter is!
Boy: Aw, Mum, I’m not blind, I just can’t see. It’s the-
VW: You see? I think he’s gone daft, too. Cuthbert, where are your manners? Say hello to the Lady Knight.
Boy: Hello, my lady. ( He tries to bow, bumps into Lady Elowyn, falls over, gets up again) I’m not blind, I just-
VW: Would you stop nattering? You’ll talk the poor lady’s ear off.
LEl: When did this malady start?
VW: This morning, my lady.
Boy: It’s not-
VW: Be quiet!
LEl: And did anything unusual happen this morning?
VW: Why yes, my lady, his grandmother gave him the beautiful hat he’s wearing.
Boy: I don’t like this hat. And-
VW: Don’t be ungrateful! And stop interrupting me! Anyway, it was after I put the hat on him that he went blind.
LEl: Aha! I think I know what’s wrong. Was his grandmother working on it last night?
VW: Why, yes, milady.
LEl: There’s a curse on it, that’s the problem. Didn’t anyone tell you it’s bad luck to make hats when there’s a- a waxing gibbous moon in the sky?
VW: Why, no! I had no idea!
LEl: Oh yes, I’ve seen it happen many a time. Luckily, the cure is simple. Just take off the hat, turn him around three times, and wash the hat in hot, soapy water.
(VW takes off hat, turns Boy around three times.)
LEl: (Holds up two fingers) How many fingers am I holding up?
Boy: Two, my lady.
VW: He’s cured!
LEl: But only temporarily. Quick, go wash the hat!
Exit Village Woman at a run.
Boy: I wasn’t blind, she stuck the hat over my eyes and wouldn’t let me take it off. And once she’s washed it, I’ll have to wear it again!
La: Don’t worry, you’ll never have to wear that hat again!
Boy: Why not?
LEl: Haven’t you ever seen what happens when wool gets washed in hot, soapy water?
Boy: No.
LEl: It shrinks.
Boy: Then-
LEl: Once your mother has washed the hat, it might fit a toddler, but it certainly won’t fit you.
Boy: Hooray! Thank you, Lady Knight!
Exit Boy.
LEl: Well, I guess I won’t be spending the night here after all. Oh well, perhaps I can scare up an adventure before suppertime!
Exit. End Scene.